On
every birthday, a day before or a day after, I used to scribble some birthday
thoughts. Some were introspective, some were evaluative, and some were too
philosophical.
My
readers asked me, ‘why don’t you say something more mundane?’ I said, ‘It is
difficult, because that is what I do for the rest 364 days!’
As
one more birthday fast approached, I thought of writing something on gratitude.
Now, you would ask me, ‘To whom?’ That takes me to the universal ‘chicken-egg’
confusion.
Someone
wanted to know this: ‘Should
I thank God or should I thank my mother for
my birthday?’ There are mothers who keep reminding their children every now and
then about how they saved them from getting ‘destroyed’ within the womb
itself. One smart son asked: ‘Did I ask
you to give me birth?’ That is a wonderful question indeed!
Who
can take credit for our births? Parents? You would argue; parents can’t take
credit as it is because of their parents that they were born and then grew up
and committed an act which led to procreation. The ‘credit search’ continues
and finally it would invariably reach the Creator of first human being. Thus,
the ultimate gratitude for every birth is towards the Creator.
Let
me have a look at myself: My body, my education, my profession, my family, my
achievements, my misadventures, my omissions and so on.
Yes,
I have been blessed, guided, and shaped by the Creator and His creation, in
spite of my infirmities, incongruencies, and inanities.
I
was shocked to read the following news item in the paper the other day titled
‘Taunted, ‘skinny’ boy kills self’. It was reported that the boy was ridiculed
by his classmates for trying to be a volunteer in National Cade Corps (NCC) of
the School because he was underweight. The boy, who was studying in a school in
Bangalore, reportedly hanged himself to death at his house using his mother’s
saree. Nagvinay was only 14 years old. He had told his parents that because of
his ‘skinny frame’ he was frequently a subject of ridicule at the school. He
was being mocked at while doing his NCC parade. Whom to blame for his ‘figure’?
: Himself, the Creator, the parents, or the nutritionist of the pregnant
mother?
For
a moment, I went back to my own student days. I was very lean when I was in my
childhood and teen years. I hated my English teacher in Class IV just because
he always explained the word ‘thin’ by giving an example that ‘Sibichen is a
thin boy’. But he never used such examples referring to anyone to explain the
words ‘thick’ or ‘fat’. That made me furious. Why only the weak are targeted?
I
wanted to join NCC like Nagvinay. But fearing ridicule from the friends, I
never applied for it. When I reached the college, I joined the National Service
Scheme, as they never checked my height, chest, weight or waist. I was always
kept as the goal keeper during football matches. Whenever I played forward during
the lunch hour matches, the number of times I fell on the ground was more than
the number of times the football hit the ground.
For
several years, I couldn’t sit comfortably in any bus because there would be a
third person asking me to sit on the edge of the two-seater so that he could
also sit comfortably. When I walked with my mother, her friends used to tease
her asking, ‘Are you eating the entire food at home without giving him even a
bit?’ In fact I tried to eat well as I had only one ambition during my
childhood and that was to become a fat person. For this, I made it a routine to
have an extra meal everyday on the way back from college. I used to eat at my
favourite restaurants on various days: Chapati and Curry from the Milk Bar,
Parota or Dosa from Brothers’ Tea Stall, Semiya Payasam (a type of Milk kheer)
and vada from Dhanalakshmi Vilas, or three big bananas and one large glass of
lemon juice from Maniyan Pillai Chettans’s shop. But the pointer of the weighing scale refused to move ahead for several years.
Someone
had told me, ‘when you visit a church for the first time, whatever you pray
will be fulfilled’. I had only two prayers always: First, I should become fat.
Second, I wanted a few hairs above my upper lip. That was the time when I saw a
newspaper advertisement about an ayurvedic oil for curing baldness. I used my entire pocket money to buy that oil
and religiously applied it every night. But nothing happened. During that time,
the Bishop of the Diocese, Rev. Dr. Sebastian Vayalil came to inaugurate a
function in our institution (that admitted only boys). In his address, he
quipped while explaining a point made by him: ‘By worrying, you can’t get even
a single hair above your upper lip’. After reaching home I threw the oil bottle
in an abandoned well.
I
never thought of doing what Nagvinay did. What would have happened had I ended
up my life out of frustration and inferiority complex? People would have
forgotten a boy called Sibichen K Mathew in no time. Of course, my mother would
have lit candles at my cemetery on my death anniversaries.
But
what did I gain by not attempting to toe the route of Nagvinay? Yes, I gained
weight as I grew up and started going to gym to shed the extra kilos. I got an
attractive moustache like any other elderly Malayalam film stars. Picked up a
few outdoor games and played them fairly well. I could enter a reasonably good
career arena after successfully passing a medical test and rigorous physical
training. Nagvinay could have become like me or much better than me had he not
taken this escape route. Where were his teachers when he faced insults from his
friends? Why did his parents fail in providing emotional support to him? What
were the omissions and commissions of the NCC officers that pushed Nagvinay to
this extreme step? Were there no counsellors in the institution?
These
days, there is unprecedented increase in the number of incidents of suicide
among children and teenagers. Life is not and can’t be always rosy whether you
are a lord or a servant. But there is definitely light at the end of the
tunnel. We do not know what great moments are in store for us. Every milestone
in our life should propel us to go further with fresh hopes. Jeremiah (1:5) says ‘Before I formed you in
the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart’. Every creation is
unique. Each one of us has a unique role to play in this beautiful world. Even
in moments of despair, disappointment and disillusionment, one should
understand that there are people, events, things, memories, and wishes that can
rejuvenate our minds, rekindle our spirits, and restore our lost hopes. But we
should take the step of finding out and reaching out to them. So, don’t live in
an island. Shed your ego, get rid of your anxieties and fear, humble yourself
and be strong in your faith.
Happy
birthday to me!
© Sibichen K Mathew
© Sibichen K Mathew
See my earlier birthday thoughts below
